(Mom - I'm NOT pregnant. You can start breathing again.)
A recent email exchange between myself and a newly pregnant friend who shall not be named:
Sent: Wednesday, September 16, 2009 4:14 PM
To: anonymous preggo friend
When you start showing, do you intend to punch strangers who touch your belly without permission? Because I advocate that. Also, at least once after you start showing and someone asks if you're pregnant, will you please tell them no and then tell me what they say?
Hahaha. I'm evil. Maybe don't do that. You might make someone cry.
From: anonymous preggo friend
Sent: Wed, Sep 16, 2009 4:19 pm
Subject: RE: Hey
God you are evil and I love it. Maybe with all the hormones raging I can say something like “No a--hole I am NOT pregnant!!!!” That would be SO funny. Would really freak someone out. I fear for the random stranger who comes up and touches me. They pick a bad day and there is a strong likelihood of me freaking out. I think I will adopt a new policy. Any stranger that comes up and touches my belly I will reach out and touch theirs. See how they like that. Or maybe even better go for a fat roll and pinch it. But I think that truly might be evil….